Her Pain
by cherrypie55
Summary: This is very angsty. May become grissomsara I just can't help it. It is writen from Sara's point of view. It is quite short but if you want to hear more please tell me and i'll write it.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Her Pain

Rating: M

A/N: I know this is a bit short but if u like it review and i'll write more. How do I get a beta writer to help with spelling and things I was told to get one? Thanks to all my people that are helping me I love you all so much. This is for you guys love you for ever and always!

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She slammed the door shut and lent her back against it. She let out the breath she seemed to have been holding for such a long time. All the anger that was inside her started to pour out along with dry sobs, she couldn't cry. To cry would be to accept what happened, what she had done.

Suddenly all the tears came, what she had been holding back for almost ten months now, all the pain, the anger, the sorrow. It all came pouring out of her. She started to go into a panic, she slide down the door. She now sat on the cool wooden floor rocking her self slowly back and forward, back and forward. It vaguely registered to her that she should slow her breathing, 'honestly,' she thought, 'I don't want to, I don't care.'

She crashed her head back against the door. She could only just feel the pain. So she did it again, this time much harder than before. It wasn't working. She wanted to feel pain, wanted to hurt herself as she had done so many times before. She slowly and shakily got up and started to make her way towards the fridge, which she knew contained a badly hidden bottled of vodka.

She swung open the door to the fridge, grabbed the bottle and opened the lid. She took a large gulp then shook her head at the harsh taste it left there. That was good. It hurt and she was slightly pleased with that. It wasn't enough. The pain wasn't strong enough. She went to walk over to the drawer but fell in the process. She reached up and clasped at the handle of the drawer and felt around for something, anything that was sharp enough for what she needed it for. What she always needed it for.

Finally she found a pair of scissors. She pushed up the sleeve of her top and held the scissors open in her left hand. She clenched her fist and pressed the blade against her skin. She pushed down, hard. She had done this so many times before she didn't even have to think about what she was doing. She felt nothing. Then a slight searing pain where the blood began to shine. Then more blood. Then more and more. It was pouring out of her arm now.

Her mind was going into shock as it so often did after she had done this.

"Sara!" she heard someone shout.

"Sara are you in there?" she couldn't tell who it was.

'Oh well they will go away eventually. With that thought she past out hitting her head on the floor as she went down.

"Sara please answer it's Grissom!"

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	2. Chapter 2

Title: Her Pain

Rating: M

A/N: Thanks for my reviews I don't know if i wrote this well or not it is the first time I have tried to write sceens like these. Flashbacks are writen in italics. I know this is a bit short but if you like it then reveiw and i'll write more. How do I get a beta writer to help with spelling and things I was told to get one? Thanks to all my people that helping me I love you all so much. This is for you guys love you for ever and always!

_

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It was a cold winter's day as Sara walked, shivering, into work. As she entered the building she expected to be hit by a rush of heat, mainly because of the overhead heaters but also because of the body heat, caused by everybody running around trying to solve their cases, to wrapped up in their own lives to notice her. She was Sara Sidle, she had worked and lived here in Vegas for a few years now and yet she had no hobbies, no friends, no life outside of her work._

"_Sara?" Grissom called to her._

_She shook her head as if waking from a trance. _

"_Yeah? Uh sorry, Grissom, I was just thinking." she didn't mean anything by it; she was just stating a fact._

"_About?" Grissom asked, intrigued._

"_Nothing." now getting uncomfortable with the line of questioning._

"_Okay then." he replied simply. "Follow me."_

_It was a statement rather than a question. She followed him down the corridor and into his office._

"_Okay Griss why are we here?" she asked looking around his office._

_He replied with, "I know what you want and I want the same."_

'_Okay what does he mean' Sara thought. Then he walked around his desk and stepped in front of her. 'What is he doing?' Sara thought. His rough lips pressed against hers, his tongue entered her mouth. 'No.' Sara thought. 'Not like this, not here, not now, I can't.' She tried to push him backwards._

"_No." he said._

_He pushed her back against the wall. Held one of her wrists in each hand and pushed himself hard against her. 'No!' her mind screamed, but she did nothing. She had wanted this, she did want this, yet she couldn't enjoy it. It hurt. He made her hurt. He was doing this to her. 'No. He wouldn't. He couldn't. No!' her mind was having a silent battle with itself. She still hadn't said a word. Not made a sound. She eyes were tightly shut, not wanting to see this, wanting to block out the fact that this was happening, that it was Grissom doing this. She felt her jeans become looser; she knew they had been undone. She could hear Grissom mumbling something in her ear, she didn't know what. She felt him push into her. Her mind screamed in protest. 'No!' she wouldn't believe this was happening. 'It can't be!' her mind was telling her body to protest but it wouldn't do it. In her heart she knew. She knew she wanted this. He pushed harder into her, faster, making her body and her mind both scream, but for different reasons. Her body wanted this so badly but her mind wouldn't let her enjoy it. 'No. No no no. I can't do this, I won't let this happen.' He then came inside of her, slowing down almost to a complete stop. Suddenly, he pushed himself off of her. _

"_Go" he said, panting._

_Sara did her jeans up then slowly and shakily walked towards the door. Pausing for a moment to look at him before leaving the office. _

Sara suddenly awoke with someone's arms tightly wrapped around her. She looked around and saw Grissom's concerned face looking down at her. She screamed, loud and shrill.

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